Student Health & Counseling Services
Solberg Hall
(Southwest Door)
33rd & Grange Ave.
Sioux Falls, SD
57197
Tel: 605-274-5552
Date Rape
Introduction
When you hear the word "rape", what do you think of? If you imagine
a stranger jumping out of the bushes on a dark night and attacking someone,
you are only partly right--because most rapes are not committed by strangers
but by men who know their victims, who often have gone out with them previously
and are supposedly their friends. This phenomenon is called acquaintance or
date rape.
Acquaintance rape is forced, unwanted sexual activity with someone that the
individual knows or dates. The force could include threats or physical violence.
Date rape is an issue of power and control, not sex. It is a violation of your
body and your trust.
Research on college campuses reveals that:
- 1 in 4 women were victims of rape or attempted rape.
- 84 % of those raped
knew their attacker.
- 57 % of the rapes happened on dates.
Date rape occurs
on virtually all college campuses. Preventing
date rape means both men and women must take responsibility for their actions.
Nothing justifies forced sex.
Since the majority of rapes are committed by men, we will refer to
the rapist as "he" and the victim as "she". However, men
are able to be victims of rape and are encouraged to seek help and assistance
also.
What Augustana Student Health & Counseling Services Offers you...
- Confidential assistance, information, support, and referrals to help you
deal with your feelings of guilt, fear, shame, anger, embarrassment, or helplessness.
- These services are free and confidential to Augustana students. 274-5552
Rape is a crime. You cant always avoid date rape.
Nevertheless, there are some things you can do to minimize your chances of
being raped.
- Examine your feelings about sex
- Set sexual limits
- Decide early if you would like to have sex
- Be assertive with your messages -
Do not worry about being polite.
Say "yes" when you mean yes and "no" when you mean
no. Sometimes
women and men unintentionally send nonverbal signs that might conflict
with what they actually want. Be aware of signals you send with your
posture, clothing, tone of voice, gestures, and eye contact. Sometimes
men interpret passivity as permission. Say "stop" if you are
not enjoying what is occurring. If a woman ignores sexual activity she
does not like, a man is likely to interpret that as tacit approval for
him to continue. Men are not mind readers.
- Be forceful and firm
- Be independent and aware on your dates - Do have
opinions on where you go. Do think about appropriate places to meet and
if possible, pay your own way or suggest activities that do not cost any
money.
- Do not do anything you do not want to just to avoid a scene or unpleasantness
- Women have been socialized to be polite. In an effort to be nice, many
are reluctant to yell, run away, or escape being attacked. If you are worried
about hurting his feelings, remember, he is ignoring yours.
- Be aware of situations in which you do not feel relaxed and
in charge -
Unwillingness to acknowledge a situation as potentially dangerous
and reluctance to appear oversensitive often hold women back from
responding in the interest of their own safety. For example, avoid
attending or staying late at parties where men greatly out number
women. Situations where there are few women around can quickly get
out of hand.
If it feels uncomfortable, leave quickly.
- Trust your gut level feelings -
If you feel you are being pressured, you probably are, and you need
to respond. If you start to get nervous about
the way your date is acting, confront the person immediately or
leave the situation quickly.
- Be aware that alcohol and drugs are often related to date rape - They
compromise your ability and your dates ability to make responsible decisions.
If you choose to drink alcohol, drink responsibly.
Danger Signals: What to Watch Out For in Date Rape
- Men who do not listen to you, ignore what you say, talk over you or pretend
not to hear you. Such men generally have little respect for women and would
be more likely to hear "no" as meaning "convince me."
- Men who ignore your personal space boundaries.
- Men who talk negatively about women.
- Men who express anger or aggression towards women as individuals or in
general. Hostile feelings can easily be translated into hostile acts.
Such men often get hostile when a woman says "no."
- Men who do what they want regardless of what you want. If a man does
this in little ways then he may also be likely to make the decision
about whether you are ready to have sex with him.
- Men who try to make you feel guilty, or accuse you of being uptight,
if you resist their sexual overtures.
- Men who act excessively jealous or possessive.
- Men who have unrealistic ideas about women. Such men are not likely
to take your objections to sex seriously.
- Men who drink heavily. A mean drunk can often get sexually aggressive,
angry, or violent if he is rejected.
- Men who enjoy being cruel to animals, children, or people he can
bully.
- Men who do not view women as equals, because he sees himself
as smarter or superior.
- Men who act in intimidating ways toward you: touches you when you
tell him to stop, uses his body to block your way, etc.
- Men who are unable to handle sexual and emotional frustrations
without becoming angry.